Monsters vs Aliens Script

UPDATED: all speaking parts are now labeled

Monsters vs Aliens

Adapted for school play (lots of parts 14-21 parts plus non speaking parts, many boy parts could easily be for a girl) Costume notes at the end.  

Characters:

Susan Murphy

General W.R. Monger (girl or boy)

Galaxhar (or Galaxhara for girl)

Dr. Cockroach (girl or boy)

B.O.B

Link

Derek Dietl

Alien Computer (girl, voice only)

Mrs. Murphy

Mr. Murphy

Candy, the bridesmaid

First Reporter

Second Reporter

Smart Technician

Lazy Technician

First CIA guy

Second CIA guy

President Hathaway

Commander Hawk

Alien Guards

Non Speaking Parts:

Insectosaurus (need more than one person because he is like a chinese dragon)

Robot Probe

Soldiers

Cameraman

Scene 1(Satellite Observatory):

Smart Technician: Hey, Jerry, you might wanna check this one out. Palomar just picked it up.  Looks like some type of UFO, and it's heading this way.

Lazy Technician (Jerry):  How many times do I have to tell you?  UFOs don't exist and we're never gonna see...

Smart Technician: Wow, its energy signature is massive.

Lazy Technician: Holy Cheez-its! What do we do?!

Smart Technician: No one ever told me what to do!

Lazy Technician: I took this job because you never have to do anything!

Smart Technician: Jerry, stop it.  Let me calculate its impact point.  Looks like (punching buttons)...Modesto, California.

(into radio) Supernova, this is Red Dwarf.  We actually have one!  Code Nimoy! I repeat, Code Nimoy!

Scene 2 (Susan's room, Susan's veil and wedding dress are hanging in plain sight): 

Susan: What are you guys doing here?  It's 5:00 in the morning!

Candy (Susan's Bridesmaid): Hurry, turn on the TV! Turn it on now!

Derek: (a TV scene is set up on the other side of stage where Derek actually talks, Susan, Wendy, and Candy look at a prop TV)...and some early morning fog, giving way to sunny skies.  Seventy-five degrees.  A perfect day to stop by the old folk art and craft show down at the fairgrounds, or a perfect day to marry Susan Murphy!  I love you, baby. 

Susan: I love you, too!  

Derek: And good morning, Modesto!

Candy: That's so sweet!

Mrs: Murphy: All the planning and now the big day is finally here!

Susan: Thanks, Mom.

Mr. Murphy entering: My little girl!

Susan: Daddy!

Mr. Murphy: Now, I want you to know that, even though I'm about to give you away...(snif, snif)...I will always be here to take care of you.

Susan:  Don't cry because then you'll make me cry.

Mr. Murphy: I can't help it (big snif)!

Candy: It's like a fairy tale. The Weatherman and the Weatherman's Wife. Romantic.  Just think, by this time tomorrow, you're gonna be in Paris on your honeymoon!

Wendy: Well (ahem) actually she won't be in Paris.

Candy:  What? Why not?

Susan: (a little embarrassed) Because we're going somewhere better.

Candy: Better than Paris?

Susan: (still embarassed) uh, yeah.

Candy: Where? Tahiti?!

Susan: (said almost like a question) No. Fresno.

Candy: Fresno! Fresno.

Mr. Murphy: Susan, in what universe is Fresno

better than Paris? 

Susan: (trying to act excited) In the "Derek's got an audition to become

Channel 23's new evening anchor" universe.

Mrs. Murphy:  He got the call from the general manager,

he wants him to come in immediately. 

Susan: Isn't that great?

Mr. Murphy: But you’ve always wanted to go to Paris!

Susan: (trying to convince herself) It's OK. It's fine!  Derek and I are a team.

Candy: are you sure?

Susan: As long as we're together, Fresno will be the most romantic city in the world.

Candy: (Sigh) She must really love him! 

Scene 3 (Modesto California)

First CIA guy (looking into binoculars): So what exactly are we looking for?

Second CIA guy: Anything unusual in the area immediately surrounding the meteor’s impact site.

First CIA guy: Does a demolished church and a gigantic, glowing, green bride screaming "what's happening to me?” count?

Second CIA guy: Yep, that’s it.  Bring her in.

Scene 4 (Monster Prison)

Susan: Honey, could you hit the snooze?

Baby, why did you set the alarm?

We're on our honeymoon.

Hello?

What's going on?

Hello?

BOB: Is it just legs? (make extra long legs by duct taping, gluing, or tying cheap shoes to 20 qt trash cans or 5 gallon buckets)

Did they capture a giant pair of legs?

Doc: Silence, B.O. B! She'll hear us!

BOB: - How? Legs don't have ears.

Doc: - Just shush!

Susan: Hello?  Is there someone there?  Could you tell me where I am? Hello? What was that?

Doc: Hello.  (Susan starts trying to squash him)  Will you stop?! Careful!  Please, Madam!

Stop! Doing! That!  Whatever mad scientist made you, he really went all out.

Susan: You can talk.

Doc: Hi, there!

BOB: My back!  Just kidding! I don't have a back!

Doc: Forgive him, but as you can see, he has no brain.

BOB: Turns out you don't need one.  Totally overrated!  As a matter of fact, I don't even...

I forgot how to breathe!  Don't know how to breathe!  Help me, Dr Cockroach! Help!

Doc: Suck in, B.O.B.

BOB: Thanks, Doc. You're a lifesaver.

Link: First new monster in years, we

couldn't get a wolf man or a mummy?

Doc: Might we ask your name, madam?

Susan: Susan.

Doc: No, no, no. We mean your monster name.  Like, what do people scream when they see you coming?  You know, like, "Look out! Here comes ____!"

Susan: Susan.

Doc: Really? (screams) Susan!  I just scared myself.
BOB: That is scary. Aaah!

Link: Don't scare Insectosaurus! He's gonna pee himself, then we'll all be in trouble.

Susan: (not listening) Every room has a door.  There's gotta be a door here!

Link: (sweet talking) It's OK, buddy. Don't worry about it.  Who's a handsome bug, huh? You like it when I rub your tummy?

Susan: Please! Somebody!  I don't belong here! - LET ME OUT!

General Monger: Monsters, get back in your cells.

Susan: Oh, thank goodness. A real person.  You are a real person, right? Not one of those half-person, half-machine, you know, whatever you call those things.

General Monger: A cyborg?

Susan: Oh, no! You're a cyborg?!

General Monger: Madam, I assure you, I am not a cyborg.  The name is General W.R. Monger.

I'm in charge of this facility.  Now, follow me.  It is time for your orientation.  Many years ago, it was decided that the public could not handle the truth about monsters, so the government convinced the world monsters were stuff of myth and legend and then locked them in this facility.

Susan: But I'm not a monster!  I'm just a regular person.  I'm not a danger to anyone or anything.  (She nearly steps on the other monsters)

Doc: Don't let her get me!

Susan: Sorry.  How long will I be here?

General Monger: Indefinitely.

Susan: Can I contact my parents?

General Monger: No.

Susan: Derek?

General Monger: Negative.

Susan: Do they know where I am?

General Monger: No, and they never will!  This place is an X file, wrapped in a cover-up and deep-fried in a paranoid conspiracy.  There will be zero contact with the outside world. We had the prison psychologist decorate your cell to try and keep you all calm-like.

Susan: But I don't want a fluffy pillow.

I want to get out of here and find Derek and live happily ever after!

General Monger: Come on,  please don't cry.  Don't think of this as a prison.  Think of it as a hotel you never leave because it's locked from the outside!  Oh, and one other thing.  The government has changed your name to "Ginormica."

Scene 5 (Galaxar's Ship)

Alien Computer: Begin reanimation sequence.

Galaxar: Who dares to wake me?

Alien Computer: Quantonium has been located on a distant planet in the Omega Quadrant.

Galaxar: The Omega Quadrant? Lame.

Alien Computer: The trajectory of the Quantonium meteor has been traced to sector 72-4,

the planet locally known as Earth.

Galaxar: What a miserable-looking mud ball. Send a robot probe! Extract the Quantonium with extreme prejudice. I want it all. Every last drop!

Alien Computer: Yes, Galaxhar.

Galaxar: Nothing can stand in my way now!

*Scene 6 (A robot-probe character is motionless in the middle of stage with police tape all around)

(A gun scene may not be allowed in your school, you can pantomime guns or rewrite the scene)
First Reporter: It was first spotted at midnight last

night by a couple in romantic embrace.  No one knows what it is or where it came from.  All branches of the military were immediately mobilised.  (listening to earpiece) What is that, Henshaw? OK.

I have just received word that the president of the United States has arrived and will attempt to make first contact.
President: I must approach it alone.  This is all about peaceful communication.

(Soldiers enter stage and cock their guns, CIA guys enter)

Commander Hawk: Yes, sir, Mr President.  Perimeter stable. Got a bead on Papa Bear. All clear.

(President marches up to the robot and does the vulcan peace sign, plays first few measures of  Axel F theme on a keyboard or boom box, he does some sweet dance moves trying to get the robot to "wake up"...for humor--soldiers, CIA, reporters can all start dancing and getting into the mood too, robot starts to move, President stops music and everyone freezes)

Space Probe: (Wakes up.  holds out hand as if to shake hands but then smashes keyboard and pulls out guns and goes zombie-attack mode)

Hawk: Get out of the way! 

President: Commander, do something violent!

Commander Hawk: You heard the president!

Choreographed battle with soldiers, commander  and robots, soldiers are all destroyed.  Could use 20-30 seconds of "Do Something Violent" on Monster's vs. Aliens Soundtrack

President : (aiming his gun) Eat lead, alien robot! (robot keeps coming)
President: Evidently, he eats lead. (CIA guys try to drag president off stage, as they pull him away...)  President: We need a plaaan!

General Monger: President I think its time to call in the top secret You-Know-Whats

Commander Hawk: Mr. President, No!

General Monger: Sir, the monsters are our best and only chance to defeat that robot.

Commander Hawk: Don't we already have an alien problem, General?  I don't think we need a monster problem, too!

General Monger: You got a better idea commander?
(robot fires on them)

President: General, call in the monsters!

Scene 7 

Susan: So let me get this straight, Monger.

You want us to fight an alien robot.

And, in exchange ___?

General Monger:  The president of these United States authorised me to grant you your freedom.

Susan: I can't believe it!  Soon, I'll be back in Derek's arms....or he'll be in mine.

Link: I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach, just freaking everybody out.

BOB: And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.

Doc: No! That's me, B.O.B.

BOB: Then I'll be a really giant lady.

Link: That's Susan, B.O.B.

BOB Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto

and be with Derek.

Doc: That's still Susan, B.O.B.

BOB: I think I, at least,

deserve a chance to be with Derek!

Susan: All right, let's go!

Scene 8

Link: Now that's a robot!

Susan: I can't fight that thing.  I can't even... I've never... I'm hyperventilating.  Does anybody have a giant paper bag?

Doc: Wait! No! Don't leave!

Susan: I think he sees us.

BOB: Hello! Hi! How you doing?
Doc: Welcome! We are here to destroy you!

Link: Come on, you guys.  Let's take this thing down!

Susan: OK. Susan, you can do this.  All right. Let's take this thing down.

Choreographed Battle:  (Music playing such as Indiana Jones Theme music)

(Monsters use their special talents to defeat robot.  ex. Ginormica could pick up a prop that looks like the golden gate bridge or a sky scraper or a car and "smash" it on the robot or since this is a stage version and she isn't quite so ginormous she might simply blind the robot by sticking a garbage can over his head, Link could cause him to slip on banana peels since he is a fish-monkey it is understandable that he might always be eating bananas throughout the play, insectosaurus is huge like a chinese dragon and could wrap around him like a snake,  BOB could then pelt the robot with "blue slime" (balloons like on his costume or blue silly string), Doc would do something scientific like maybe finish him off with a zap from a glowstick or spin globe, the lights flicker as the robot dies.

Scene  9 (Galaxhar's ship)

Alien Computer: Retrieval has failed.  Don't get upset.  It happens to everyone.

Galaxhar: Noooo!  Send another probe at once!

Alien Computer: Quantonium cannot be retrieved via robot.  Carbon-based life form, locally known as Susan, is now too strong.

Galaxhar: Oh, you think because you're all big and strong and you can destroy my robot probe that you're gonna send me running and hiding?!  My days of running and hiding are over!  Computer, set a course to Earth.  I will retrieve the Quantonium myself!

Scene  10

President: Good job monsters.  Operation Monsters vs Aliens was a giant success.  No pun intended. 

General: Enjoy your welcome home party

Mrs Murphy: Susie Q!

Susan: Mom? Daddy?

Mrs Murphy: Did they experiment on you?

Susan: No, Mom. I'm fine.  These are my new friends.
BOB: Oh, Derek! I missed you so much...thinking that we'd together again someday is the only thing that got me through prison! I love you! I love this man!

Susan: No, B.O. B! That's my mother!  You're suffocating her!

Mr. Murphy: Honey, are you all right?

Mrs Murphy: I taste ham.

Susan: Sorry, Mom.  He's just a hugger.  Where's Derek?

Mrs. Murphy: He's at work, sweetie.  You know how he is about his career.

Susan: But I can’t celebrate without him! (she starts to leave)

Mrs. Murphy: But what about all your little friends?  

Susan: (looking back) Just set out snacks.  They'll eat anything!

Scene  11 (at the news station)

Derek This is Derek Dietl, signing off for the very last time.  - Good night, Modesto!  And cut.

Did you like that sign off?  Just made it up.  (He walks out of station and Susan is there)  Oh, my goodness!

Susan: Oh, Derek. You wouldn't believe my last three weeks!  Thinking about you was the only thing that kept me sane.

Derek: Wow! You really are big!

Susan: Yeah, but I'm still me. I'm still the same girl you fell in love with.  And I know that, together, we can find a way to get me back to normal.

Derek: Susan, try and look at this from my perspective.  I have an audience that depends on me for news, weather, sports and heart-warming fluff pieces.  You expect me to put all that on hold

while you try to undo this thing that happened to you?  That I had absolutely nothing to do with?

Susan: Yes. That's exactly what I expect.

Derek: You have to face facts, Susan.  I'm not looking to get married and spend the rest of my life

in someone else's shadow.  And right now you're casting a pretty big shadow.  I'm sorry. It's over.  Good luck, Susan.

Scene 12

Link: Wow! What a shindig!  Your parents really know how to throw it down.  What? No, that was a great party, one of the best I've been to since I got out of prison.

BOB: I must have been at a different party,

'cause that's not how I interpreted it at all.  I don't think your parents liked me, and

that JELL-O gave me a fake phone number.

Doc: Well, at least the garbage was free.  You know? I mean... Ah, who are we kidding?  We could save every city on the planet, and they'd still treat us the same way they've always treated us...

Susan:...like monsters.

Doc: Right. Monsters.  Anyway, how is Derek?  Derek is a selfish jerk.

BOB: No!

Susan: Yes.  For all his talk about "us" and our big dreams, there was no "us".  There was only Derek. Why did I have to get hit by a meteor to see that?

Doc: Who needs Derek Deitl anyway?  Look at all the stuff

you've done without him!

BOB: Fighting an alien robot!

Susan: Yeah, that was amazing!

Link: Meeting us! 

Susan: Amazing!  (Insecto is too close to the edge and starts to fall)  Insecto, look out!  Insectosaurus! No!  You're gonna make it.  It's going to be all right. Look at me.  Don't you close those eyes.  Don't you dare close those eyes.

You can't...

Scene 13 (Galaxhar's ship)

(Susan wakes up, she is tied down)

Galaxhar: You must be terrified.  You wake up in a strange place, imprisoned by a strange being

Susan: Hardly. It's not the first time.  Look. What is it that you want from me? You have stolen what is rightfully mine!  I didn't steal anything from you.

Galaxhar: Your enormous, grotesque body contains Quantonium, the most powerful substance in the universe.  Did you really think you could keep it from me?

Susan: That's what this is all about?  You destroyed San Francisco, you terrified millions of people...

just to get to me?

Galaxhar: Silence! Computer, begin extraction!

Scene 14

Second Reporter: Once again, a UFO has landed in America, the only country UFO's

ever seem to land in.  General is it true that the alien has abducted the monster called Ginormica?

General: Yes and I'll tell you what we're gonna do...

Link (interrupting): We're gonna  board that ship, find Susan, and we're gonna take that alien down!

Doc and Bob: Yeah!

General: If you're not back in 30 minutes I'll come get you. If I don't, it means I'm dead. Or late.

Scene 15 (Galaxhar's ship)

Link: Wow. Ginormica ain't so..."ginormic" anymore.

Galaxhar: If you'll excuse me I must now go inform everyone on your planet that I'm taking over and they have less than 24 hours to live!    

Gaurds! Take the prisoner to the incinerator.  She's useless to me now.

Alien Gaurds: Yes Galaxhar, Hail Galaxhar.

Susan: I can't believe you guys came to save me. Thank you.

Link: Don't mention it.  We monsters got to stick together.

Susan: But I'm not a monster anymore.  I'm just me.

Doc: My dear, no matter what your size, you'll always be… Never mind, if we're gonna save earth, we have to blow up this ship before the invasion starts.

Susan: How are we gonna do that?

Doc: Excuse me, could you direct us to the main power core?

Alien Guard: Gladly. It's that way.  Hail Galaxhar!

Doc: Thank you very much

Susan: That works.

Alien Computer: Warning: Intruders.

Galaxhar: Monsters!

Susan: Monsters.

BOB: Monsters?!

Doc: We need to activate self-destruct

Galaxhar: You'll never figure out my color code.

Doc: I don't have to.  One thing you don't know about me is I have extra-sensonsory, tactile-based, telepathic powers.

Galaxhar: What? aaaah! (Doc does a vulcan mind meld by attaching his hand to Galaxhar's head and then starts punching buttons.)

Alien Computer: Security protocol breached.  Ship has been set to self-destruct.  Total annihilation

in T-minus five minutes.

Galaxhar: Well, launch the invasion then!

Alien Computer: Invasion no longer possible!

Galaxhar: Oh, space balls!
Susan: Open the doors and let my friends go.

Galaxhar: Or what?  You don't actually think you're a match for me, do you?  you should have defeated me when you had the Quantonium.

Susan: Open the doors!

Galaxhar: Did I mention we're not on the ground anymore?  How would you get home?

Link: Now we're all going to die!

Galaxhar: Have fun exploding, Susan!  I'm off to my escape pod!

Susan: Its not over yet, and the name is Ginormica.

Alien Computer: Total annihilation in T-minus one minute.

Link: It's been an honor knowing you, Doc.

Doc: The feeling's mutual.

BOB: I'll see you guys tomorrow for lunch.

Doc: That's right, B.O.B.
Link: And there'll be candy and cake and balloons.

BOB: Cake and balloons for lunch?! It's gonna be the best day ever! I love you guys!

Alien Computer: Total annihilation in T-minus 30 seconds.

Link: What ever happened to Monger?!  He was supposed to be here!

Doc: He said the only reason he wouldn't be here is if he was dead!

General Monger: Or late! (Monger comes flying in on Insecto)

Link: Insectosaurus?! You're alive!  And you're a... butterfly!

General Monger: Hop on

Alien Computer: Eight......seven......six......five......four......three... two...

General Monger: Come on, come on!

Alien Computer: ...one.

Doc: Nothing happened. Maybe my count was...(boom)

Scene 16

First Reporter: There they are!

Second Reporter: Here they come!

President: Yeah!

Commander Hawk: Oh, great.

Mr. Murphy: Oh, boy.

Mrs. Murphy: Susie Q!

Susan: Daddy!

Mrs. Murphy: Oh, Susan. Ever since you were a baby, I knew that someday...you would, you know, save the Earth from an invasion from outer space.

Susan: Thank you, but it wasn't just me, Mom.
Candy: Susan! How are you?

Derek: Excuse me! Hello! Coming through! Susan!

Susan: Derek?

Derek: Baby, I thought long and hard about what happened between us.  And I want you to know...I forgive you.

Susan: You forgive me?

Derek: Of course. It wasn't your fault you got hit by a meteor and ruined everything. And you know what?  I say maybe you didn't ruin everything.  I just got a call from New York.  They offered me network.  All I have to do is get an exclusive interview from you.

Susan: Really?

Derek: Yeah.  I get my dream job and you get your dream guy.   It's a win-win for Team Dietl.

Susan: Derek...that's amazing.  Is the camera rolling?

Derek: Absolutely.

Susan: Good. Because I wouldn't want your fans to miss this. This is Susan Murphy, saying, "Goodbye, Derek!" Get him boys! (monsters carry him away)

BOB: Derek, you are a selfish jerk, and guess what?  I've met someone else.  She's lime green.  She has 14 little chunks of pineapple inside her, and she's everything I deserve in life!  I'm happy now, Derek, without you!  It's over!

Derek: (too the cameraman) Turn it off!

General Monger: Monsters, I'm so proud of you, I could cry, if I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war.  But not crying will have to wait.  The world needs you again.

Link: What is it, General?

Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor.  As we speak, Escargantua is slowly making its way to Paris.
Susan: Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris.  Now who's with me?  What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?

Doc and Link: We're in.

BOB: I'm in!

Susan: Count me in, too.

THE END

(Purple People Eater comes on for curtain call (a kids version like Kidz Bop its funner to dance to))

Susan Idea #1: Ladder with butcher paper covering the front susan wouldn't be able to move much.  Stage hands could hide behind butcher paper.

Susan Idea #2: bucket walkers, order online or DIY, might need to line bottom of buckets with hose or something to dampen sound on stage, cover buckets in a color that matches susan's pants, dollar store green or white wig or hair extensions.

Susan Idea Three: have a giant puppet for Ginormica and have ginormica read lines off stage.

BOB: about 15 blue balloons safety pinned to a blue sweatshirt, or use a pumpkin costume pattern and make it blue.

Doc: pipe cleaner antennae and a lab coat, glasses or bug eyes.  A clipboard prop might complete the mad scientist effect.  

Link: hoodie with monkey ears and dragon scales going down head and back, fish tail, flippers on feet and possibly hands, monkey cheeks face paint.  A banana might complete the fish-monkey effect.

Insectosaurus:  A chinese dragon face with antennae a blanket or table cloth for body, cardboard butterfly wings for the last scene.

General & Commander:Camo or else white shirt and slacks.

Soldiers: camo or else tan pants and white shirt with camouflage colored rambo-like head bands.  For school, no toy guns, you'll have to make cardboard ones or even just pantomime.  Someone could have a lot of fun using a microphone to make battle scene noises.

President: Button shirt with tie.  Slick back the hair.

CIA guys, suits and sunglasses or all black and sunglasses

Robot Probe: Box helmet with eye opeings, one huge, or lots of big boxes painted silver, long sleeved shirt and white gloves.

Galaxhar:Black cape, sparkly silver shirt/tunic (could use gray or white instead), black waist sash, 2-3 pairs of black tights stuffed and one to wear, the stuffed tights hang from the shirt or tunic and make squid legs,  Other ideas: Ghalaxar has 4 eyes, a 4-eye mask could be made, or some creative face paint could be done, Ghalaxar has pointy ears if they can be found.  

This script is dedicated to Allison who loves this movie!

If this play works for you please comment, I would love feedback to improve the script. Thanks.